i can never be a cutter. today i tried. i put a blade to my skin and traced a pattern i wanted to inscribe, but my damn hand would never put pressure on the blade.
i have friends who cut themselves, and today i wish i had that determination, i wish i drew blood, i wish the pain would manifest itself physically. maybe the wound would distract me enough that i may forget the not-so physical pain. maybe i'll forget how much of a fuck up i can be. maybe i can divert some of the pain i'm causing you, and i can wash it away with the flowing blood.
maybe i'll try putting a blade to my skin again, and maybe this time, i'd find the strength to draw blood and inscribe myself.
